Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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