This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
