your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
