I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
