I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
