...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
