went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
