wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
