That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
