You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
