I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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