Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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