WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
