Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
