you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
