He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
