I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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