i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
