everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
