I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
