Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
