I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Two words: blizzard sex
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
