we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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