ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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