The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
