And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
