Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
