i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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