but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Houston, we have a blender
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
