can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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