You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
