Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
