there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
