I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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