Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
