so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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