The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
