I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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