After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
