Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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