You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
