She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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