We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This can only be settled by a dance off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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