Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
