Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
