I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
