Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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