We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
