So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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