i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
